Despondent, distracted,
You’re vicious and romantic;
These are a few of my favorite things.
All of those flavors and
This is what you choose:
Past the blues, past the blues,
And on to something new,
Something real, make it timeless,
An act of God and nothing less will be accepted.
I made some close ties. And some of the closest were the one to die. Some died at my own hand. Others died on their own from a lack of faith.
a response to the editor
stay true to yourself. you have to love yourself before you can really love someone else.
i’m not afraid. i’m not afraid to die. i don’t think twice about consequences, and most of all, i am not regret anything anymore. that wasn’t always the case. today i still look too far into things. i scare myself. i put paranoid thoughts into my head. that’s what i was raised with. i don’t do excuses anymore either. so what happened in my past and yours is done. i know that. i always have. even though we have had completely different pasts we somehow ran into each other in the same hell hole. now that we’re making the best out of hell it’s time to escape and i want to do that with you. only you.
maybe i put these stupid thoughts in my head. maybe i bring every issue upon myself. maybe i deserved what happened to me. it’s all probably true, yet you see past all of that. you say you want to move forward. even if i don’t fully understand why or even before i can take my first step, you grab my hand and lead me there.
you are everything i’ve ever wanted. honest.
this ride isn’t even close to slowing down. i’m on a one way train with you. it’s a one way free fall and i enjoy every second of it.
…and my god i need you.
you showed me the light. you have shown me better things. you made me believe what i told you. i saw the fear and the pain in your eyes when we first met, but now i can’t. i know i didn’t erase the past. you didn’t erase mine either, but now i know that doesn’t matter. since we took off this never did.
fear is what keeps me alive. i always say that with that fucking smile on my face that you’ve learned to love. with that being said though, i’m not afraid of anything. i’ve been through hell and back. i came back bigger, stronger, and smarter. that’s when you found me. i swear to you we’ll never reach there again. we’re only moving forward.
the fear you have right now is okay. it can be positive. i won’t leave your side. no matter what is thrown at us. i swear not to you, but to me because i need to stay true to myself before you can fall to me. it’s a promise kept between not you, god, or anyone else but me. if i was to let anyone down it’d be me and not you. i loved you then, i love you now, and honestly i can see myself loving you forever.
people say fuck forever. society says what we did was wrong. they tell us that we might of took this too fast. they told us that we hurt too many people that were close to us. people even judged our character and said we are terrible people.
they are wrong.
with that being said, i want to make a public apology. this wasn’t our intention to hurt anyone. i’ll never ask for forgiveness. i don’t deserve that from them. this stays on my mind constantly. if you were ever to believe a single thing i said again believe that i’m sorry.
i know they are wrong. cause we were put to the test. we were sent down to hell and made it back out with a smile. it was a fucking journey so far, but the adventure doesn’t stop here. you know that just as well as i do. this time around though you won’t take the first step forward with me. we’ll walk together.
last night i told you that you’ll make it out alive. that was a promise i made to you. i take it back now. i’m making that promise to me now. if i fail i would of failed myself and i am going to take the full fall for that. so please, do not think about it. it will be fine because now this isn’t your problem, this is mine. i’m not afraid to take this challenge. you’re worth it. <3
this sounds like a goodbye or something too serious. it isn’t. it’s like a good morning/thank you card/my way of saying something to you that i can’t in person because i’m bad with words. the world looks and feels great today. wake up and let me see the shine that your eyes make.
i fucking wish i had the right words to articulate how i feel right now. ( bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody )the only constant thing that i’ve felt in days, weeks, months, possibly years is this, i love you.
part 1
you know, before you i felt invincible.
but you, you bring me down to earth.
and you show me that being human isn’t too bad at all.
you show me that im bigger than what i see myself as anyways.
you make me realize that maybe it isn’t important or relevant of how i see myself
but instead how the person who loves me the most sees me.
you opened my eyes and made me realize a lot of things.
and i’ll never forget that.
<3
March 5th, 2011. 5:12 am, Clinton, New Jersey
It’s like the world moves a little more slowly.
I want to breathe it in forever so I can’t ever forget it.
And best of all, the puzzle pieces that we thought would never fit finally do.
love.
diariah
it’s such a common word,
or is it?
well it’s what i feel
seeping through me
someone save me from this hell
someone be there for me and say that it will all be over one day
they laugh and joke
but they will never know how it feels
A LITTLE POEM WRITTEN BY AVERI.
Pretty bathroom plungers…
So I just took a piss. It went well. Gnarly. Back to the point though. While I was pissing I noticed a pretty toilet plunger. It was purple and white with polka dots. I found it funny cause I mean yeah its pretty, but the fact of the matter is you have to be pretty fucking barbaric to have to use it at a college dorm room bathroom ydg? That’s my tumblr post for today. As usual its super inspiring.
an explanation for everything.
everything i built wasn’t a lie,
but it was a misunderstanding on our end.
it was misshapen pieces that we thought would never fit,
but eventually did.
this never was my intention to hurt or let anyone down.
i wish you all the best and i hope you can do the same for me.
if not i understand.
love always.
right above it
it’s hard to imagine thinking that life got much better than it has in the past week.
truth is, it’s getting better everyday more and more.
#love
